Would you eat this?

Rubix Solution!

Ole and Lena

Ole, out on the golf course, takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said 'How bad is it doc? .. . . I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a wirgin - in every vay'.

The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your Willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week.'

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together . Quite an impressive work of art. Ole mentions none of this to Lena, marries her, and they go on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room, Lena rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful untouched breasts. She said, 'You're the first vun. No vun has EVER seen deez.'

Ole immediately drops his pants and replies, . . .. 'Look at dis, .....still in da CRATE!'

Steak and BJ Day!

You know the drill. Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for a significant other by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really do care for them more than any other. Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret; guys really don't enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret; guys feel left out. That's right, there's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created. March 14th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and self explanatory, this holiday has been created so you ladies finally have a day to show your man how much you care for him. Visit the official site!

Cuckoo Clock

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem p*ssed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh sh!#$." Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

Bullfrogs

A woman went into a store to buy her husband A pet for his birthday.

After looking around, she found that All the pets were very expensive.

She told the clerk she Wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a Fortune.

'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a Very large bullfrog. They say it's been Trained to give Blowjobs!'

'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.

'It Hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he Said.

The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, And what if it's true...no More blow jobs for Her!

She bought the frog.

When she explained Froggy's' ability to her husband, he was extremely Skeptical and Laughed it off! .

The woman went to bed happy, thinking she May never need to perform this Less than riveting act Again.

In the middle of the night, she was awakened By the noise of pots and pans Flying everywhere, making Hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran Downstairs to the Kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog Reading Cookbooks.

'What are you two doing At this hour?' she asked.

The husband replied, 'If I Can teach this frog to cook.......you're gone.

Terry Fator.. Wow!

(more)

Mayo jar & 2 cups of joe..

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee .

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked."

The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Attack of the laser sharks?

[Wall Street Journal] Reports that a fifth undersea communications cable in the Middle East has been damaged in less than a week — further compromising Internet access in countries there, and knocking Iran off the grid entirely – are triggering wild conspiracy theories about who’s at fault, from Islamic extremists to the CIA. But BizTech readers can proceed with global business as planned: the reports aren’t true.

So says Stephan Beckert, research director at TeleGeography, who studies these cables for a living. (Yes, there’s a chance Beckert is part of some vast conspiracy, but in this blog’s opinion, he knows what he’s talking about.) Beckert tells the Business Technology Blog that he hasn’t heard anything about a fifth cable from his sources in the industry and that the newspaper that reported the outage, the Khaleej Times in the United Arab Emirates, seems to have double counted two of the cables and missed a fourth one entirely. Beckert also tells us that one of the cut cables wasn’t cut at all – it’s down because of a power outage. And while Iran is experiencing Internet slowdowns just like the rest of the Middle East, it isn’t off line. (This site seems to be working fine.)

Beckert says that the most likely explanation is that a fishing boat damaged the cables by catching them in its net or that a ship accidentally cut them with its anchor – these are responsible for 65% and 18% of cable problems respectively. The first two cables were only 400 yards apart, suggesting that they were damaged in the same incident. “It might have been sharks with laser beams on their heads but I’m guessing it’s not,” says Beckert. Viewed this way, it’s two incidents in a week, which is higher than average but not unusual – last year their were 50 damaged cables in the Atlantic alone.

What about other conspiracy theories? Beckert doesn’t understand why the U.S. military would cut the cables, seeing as its service men in the Gulf use them to communicate with their families. And a lone saboteur is out of the question because the cables are “awfully deep for a wet suit.” And he’s ruling out Islamic extremists who want to disconnect the Middle East from the rest of the world. “All it’s done is demonstrate how tied to the rest of the world they are,” he says. That leaves an accident. Or those laser-equipped sharks.

Happy new year folks!

If technology..

If technology had reached a point where our illnesses would be displayed on a personal health indicator.. mine would read:

Too late to send this in now!

Global Warming - The Proof!

On the first day..

Red light.. green light!

[click here for the rest of the story]

The story behind the ink..

Facebook has been a daily part of my life for quite some time now. I recently got back in contact with my brother's daughter, Randi, who asked me what my tattoo means. It was then that I realized that I hadn't really shared the full story with very many people so I took a few minutes and explained it to her. My reply went something like this:

"When my daughter Kathryn was about 6 years old she was playing with some nail polish. She ended up making a picture on a sheet of paper that has had a great impact on my life. In multicolour splendor the picture was of the words 'I Love You".

That night she placed the picture on my pillow as she was getting ready for bed. When I went to bed I saw it lying there and was filled with happiness. I brought the picture into my daughters room and while she slept, placed it under the edge of her pillow and gave her a hug & kiss goodnight.

Not long after that another picture was drawn on the back of the paper, using the same colourful nail polish, which says "I Love You Too". Each night for many, many years the same piece of paper, now shielded in a document protector, has made its way back and forth between us.

So, to answer your question, my tattoo says "I Love You" and it represents the special bond that is shared between Kathryn and I. BTW, she got a tattoo on her back that says "I Love You too" in the same writing that is paired with a beautiful butterfly!"

The Farmers Daughter (original)

Carol of the Bells 2006

Sir Farts-a-lot!

'nuff said