A woman went into a store to buy her husband A pet for his birthday.
After looking around, she found that All the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she Wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a Fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a Very large bullfrog. They say it's been Trained to give Blowjobs!'
'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.
'It Hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he Said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, And what if it's true...no More blow jobs for Her!
She bought the frog.
When she explained Froggy's' ability to her husband, he was extremely Skeptical and Laughed it off! .
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she May never need to perform this Less than riveting act Again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened By the noise of pots and pans Flying everywhere, making Hellacious banging and crashing sounds. She ran Downstairs to the Kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog Reading Cookbooks.
'What are you two doing At this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied, 'If I Can teach this frog to cook.......you're gone.
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee .
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked."
The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
[
Wall Street Journal] Reports that a fifth undersea communications cable in the Middle East has been damaged in less than a week — further compromising Internet access in countries there, and knocking Iran off the grid entirely – are triggering wild conspiracy theories about who’s at fault, from Islamic extremists to the CIA. But BizTech readers can proceed with global business as planned: the reports aren’t true.
So says Stephan Beckert, research director at TeleGeography, who studies these cables for a living. (Yes, there’s a chance Beckert is part of some vast conspiracy, but in this blog’s opinion, he knows what he’s talking about.) Beckert tells the Business Technology Blog that he hasn’t heard anything about a fifth cable from his sources in the industry and that the newspaper that reported the outage, the Khaleej Times in the United Arab Emirates, seems to have double counted two of the cables and missed a fourth one entirely. Beckert also tells us that one of the cut cables wasn’t cut at all – it’s down because of a power outage. And while Iran is experiencing Internet slowdowns just like the rest of the Middle East, it isn’t off line. (This site seems to be working fine.)
Beckert says that the most likely explanation is that a fishing boat damaged the cables by catching them in its net or that a ship accidentally cut them with its anchor – these are responsible for 65% and 18% of cable problems respectively. The first two cables were only 400 yards apart, suggesting that they were damaged in the same incident. “It might have been sharks with laser beams on their heads but I’m guessing it’s not,” says Beckert. Viewed this way, it’s two incidents in a week, which is higher than average but not unusual – last year their were 50 damaged cables in the Atlantic alone.
What about other conspiracy theories? Beckert doesn’t understand why the U.S. military would cut the cables, seeing as its service men in the Gulf use them to communicate with their families. And a lone saboteur is out of the question because the cables are “awfully deep for a wet suit.” And he’s ruling out Islamic extremists who want to disconnect the Middle East from the rest of the world. “All it’s done is demonstrate how tied to the rest of the world they are,” he says. That leaves an accident. Or those laser-equipped sharks.
Gigglers
